"Go to work, go to church, let your dreams die"
The essence of employment is based on the principal of being paid to stay away from your family, yeah I said it! Sure there are trades that promote knowledge of a particular skill… that in turn could ultimately prove useful in life. However, I simply ask, does this skill supersede one’s time with their loved ones? I say this because at 26 I find myself in quite the situation. Sure I’m college educated, yes I also have certification in one of said “skills”, but I long for the days when work means taking out the garbage, changing the oil in the family car. 9-5? This is the American dream? Naturally my critics will carve a socialistic purpose out of my message, to them I ask, should I be excited about working the next 41 years of my life? To put this in perspective, imagine working at a job for 9.7 years…never taking a break, 24/7. This is the total amount of work I need to put in to reach the mandated retirement age. I’ll be 67 years old, limp dick and all, yet free to look back on all the time I wasted making someone else’s dreams come true. My career folks, whom define themselves as different from us “regular job” people, share this same burden. Different pay scale, same burden…
Is there a better way? Yes. Do I know this better way completely? No. Lord knows I’m open to suggestions though. I’ve debated and discussed this countless times with my peers and loved ones, all different types of answers come about. You make speak… Miss me with that “find something you love” bologna though…
When does “you’ll get over it” begin?”
Might be a lone wolf, but I’m never too far from the scent of a sheep…”
Here we go, now
Deep diving head first into the unknown, it’s natural to be overcome by infectious thoughts of success, behind the scene however, my steadfast approach warns me of life’s morbidity.
I approach humanity as I approach writing, I just kind of go with the flow. That flow has led me into and out of many lives, some I regret…others not so much.
Days, weeks, months, years… I Iong for a connection, a connection that I’m not yet able to describe, a bond that has no limits nor restraints. A spiritual and physical dance, a partner without a face. It’s my favorite song, and it stays on repeat mentally.
I’ve been here before, many times even. For now though, my approach will remain the same…steadfast into the unknown.
Sometimes a day lacking communication with others can be refreshing, humbling and eventful in it’s own right…”
With my eyes pointed cloud-ward, rabidly searching for blemishes in a umblemished skyline… One thing has become apparent, as a pessimist who doesn’t like to be labeled such, I’ve let my fear take over. I’ve let the thought of inadequence counter my current aspirations.
Back to the drawing board…
Beautiful, awe inspiring, flight.
A journey without sight, a curled fist lacking might.
No bags needed, just the garments I currently lie in.
No companion required, just friendly thoughts of peace that frolic amongst the wind…
Thoughts of career have disappeared, along with routing numbers, checking numbers and security numbers…
Just me, my garments…my peace.
Beautiful, awe inspiring, flight.
What drives me…
"A wronged individual, a bitter scapegoat… someone who has the right to be angry". All labels given to myself by my closest confidants. I myself embraced those labels for countless days and nights, wondering if I should allow them complete control over my life. After all, nothing is my fault, nothing should be my fault… I’m quite the saint - To them at least.
Reality has a way of humbling the most stalwart of supporters. The facts are so… I’ve done and seen things that have changed my views on life, love, and family over the years. I’ve seen the ugliest of people, commit the most horrid of sins, just to satisfy their very own inner happiness. Happiness is vital to ones health and sanity, but at what cost? Who’s to say that an individuals happiness should come at the expense of another individuals sanity? Is that what we’ve become? A nation of “I want to be happy, and I’ll do anything it takes to be that way” people. Before I digress, this isn’t about happiness…in fact this isn’t about sanity either. This is completely about motivation.
About a month ago, sometime towards the end of the month… Something happened to my heart. There is no medical definition for this event, and only those that have been thru it know what I speak of. Let’s just say if karma had a most wanted list, I was at the top of it. One month later and I am no longer on the list, my fate has been revealed. I wronged someone in a way that will probably disgust me Til the day I die, in turn this person enacted a vengeful plan to return the favor. The pain of their vengeance and the manor in which it was accomplished, completely stopped me in my tracks. They say large earthquakes can slow the earths rotation by a few seconds, this moment in my life slowed my worlds rotation for 30 days.
Consecutive nights of pain and trepidation, a sentence I wouldn’t wish on any of my worse enemies. As I stumble to a mirror to see what has become of myself, I see nothing…a man with a blank stare, a man with no emotion, a man that has learned life’s most important lesson.
Through the ashes of a former self, something amazing has transpired. A man beaten into a fine powder of despair - has survived. The grip over me has subsided, the eye of the storm has passed. Yeah there’s damage there, yes it will take time to fix, but it’s over…and I made it. I only hope my counterpart had this same epiphany when everything transpired, admittingly its a strange feeling. As I rebuild my life, my heart, my trust in human beings, I value living more then ever.
To become great, one must not be afraid to fail…and fail…and fail again, to remain great one must remember, what it was like to fail and fail…and fail again.
This is what drives me…